Open the Book. See what it says.

Lots and lots of unknowns right now.  I guess that is the epitome of living, but I knew a time when there were lots of knowns.  The majority of the life I have lived thus far is still made up of being a child/teenager and having limited choices and planned out decisions.  When I was growing up I knew there was summer vacation, then school, then break, school, then summer vacation again.  I knew that I would graduate, and I would go to Columbia, and all these amazing things would happen and my life would start.

I'm well into "my life has started" and I just don't really know what I am doing with myself.  I look online for jobs for me but everything looks so not for me.  I know what I want, and I know what I don't want, and I just don't know how to get it.  So I resign myself to "letting it find me" but that is not a comfortable space.

Okay.  I'm going to open Beyond Intellect now.  Here is what I opened to:

Page 132, An Equal Partnership

I actually started reading on the next page where it said, "Yes to life, yes to love, yes to adventure.  Then the next thing I know, the person whose mouth you jumped out of is crouched in a mangled mess under the covers whimpering and calling my name..."

An Equal Partnership is about Yes and No and boundaries.  I actually think I am really good at saying Yes and No. And, if I'm unsure, I usually go for it anyway and say Yes, and then if I don't like it then I say No.  I don't have a problem with being loyal to myself.

I think we live in a world where most people have a problem being loyal to themselves. So, a person works long hours at a job and misses their children's school activity day.  Or a person turns a blind eye and works for an unethical company. Or a person finds an area of their heart where they can lock away their dreams one by one, with either no intention to visit those dreams again, or with a lie that they will try again... one day.

Top 5

I think top 5 annoying things about living here are:

1. Women and men grabbing at me to touch my white skin.  I don't really understand why they keep doing this.  I have been living here for weeks, and word has spread like wildfire that I am from NZ.  Regardless, I keep getting manhandled and I still don't like it.
2. Having "BOOLAY" shouted everywhere you go.  I realise that I'm different from everyone here, but I guess the thing about being a global traveler is that for me, I long to "blend in".  I want to be a part of the community, and be seen as just another person walking down the street.  When the kids and adults point and shout "BOOLAY!" it makes me realise how I am not one of them and I can never be.  That realisation bums me out a bit, because when it comes down to it I do think we're all the same.
3. Getting charged 3 times what locals get charged.  I get stressed out about this the most because H and I worked really hard to get rid of our debt, and save money while we were preparing to live in Indonesia for 6 months. We're well into our careers, and we have goals and dreams and hopes, and a lot of that takes money.  It is hard to understand if someone wants to know you for you, help you to help, or because they want money and for you to pay for them.  Life is heaps cheaper than in NZ, but we aren't making any money, and we aren't getting any financial support for our work.
4. Not being fluent at the language. I hate having limited ways to communicate with people. It makes me feel claustrophobic, inept and stuck.  I am trying to pick up words and phrases, and I study the language every day through podcasts, but I still find it difficult without the structured learning of a class.  I also dislike the idea of being a typical English speaker and just expecting everyone to speak English to me.
5. Having to wear pants and t-shirts all the time even when you are swimming.  I hate not having the freedom to wear whatever I like, however I like to wear it.  In NZ, I really hate wearing suits and boots, and prefer jandals and jeans and clothes that make me feel good.  Here I always wear the same sort of thing.  And on Sunday when we went swimming for the first time, I was waterlogged from swimming in the same clothes that I was wearing.

Top 5 awesome things are:

1. Having the ability at this time in my life to spend 6 months with my partner, volunteering in Indonesia is awesome.  We learn more about each other and get to share lots of really special moments together.  I don't think many people get to do this because of career, children,  commitments, fear.  It is a really wonderful time in our lives that I feel very privileged to experience.
2. I want to be a famous actress, and I also want to work in the NGO/Not for Profit/Helping people sector.  I'm really tired of big business as what I've found is that there is a huge lack of humanity. I am lucky to be able to take this time, and think more about what I want to do, and get some experience working for an NGO.  I've volunteered all my life, but that has always been on the side.  This is now a full time gig.
3. I'm stoked to be learning new things through language and culture.  Indonesia is such a vast and amazing country.  There are so many ethnicities within Indonesia, and so many ways the people express themselves culturally.  The food in Pariaman is known for being spicy... and it is delicious!  The language here is called Bahasa Minang, and it differs from Bahasa Indonesia.  I love learning more about people through food, language and culture.  And I love having those "WOO HOO!" moments when you can express yourself effectively in another language.
4. Right now, the kids in the neighbourhood and my next door neighbour are godsends.  The kids are just so lovely and protective and inviting.  They check in to see if I'm around to play, and I love it.  Kids are just the best.  So free and sweet and kind.  My neighbour is a sweet heart too, she has an 18 month old baby, and she's just really lovely and comes over to have a chat.  I feel really stoked about where we are living and the community.
5. I'm loving getting to help people.  I don't feel like I am using my full ability at the moment, but I am doing what I can do.  Hopefully as the weeks go by, the team will involve me more and more. 

Kids in the hood

We live in a really sweet little community with lovely children.  Most days you can hear them come by our house and say "Missus Sahara! Where are you?".  Sometimes we come out and they run away, mostly they just hang around.
The past few weeks have been school holidays, but we only moved in last week.  I didn't have much time to play, but this morning I made some time to hang out for a few hours.
They have my phone number which they use often just to say hi.  It is very cute, but I rarely get to sleep in now.  They are so lovely though, how could I sleep in?

Composting hope

There is a lot of rubbish in Indonesia.  On the sides of most streets, you can see mounds of coconut husks, plastic, food and paper, piled into little clusters.

It seems that there are certain days for burning rubbish.  I don't know which day that is, but it is just awful.  The smell of burning plastic is one of the worst smells ever. The vapour sticks in the back of your throat and makes your eyes water.

These photos are of a pile of rubbish that is along the street that runs perpendicular to my home.  The photo on the right shows the burnt/charred/melted/still intact mess that is left behind.


I've been looking up information to see if there are any recycling centres in West Sumatra (I can't find any but if you know of one, let me know!).  Even if there was a recycling centre, most of the plastic they use (including the thin black plastic bags everywhere) aren't suitable for recycling.  Just about everything comes in these plastic bags.  They do give rice in banana leaf (duan pisang) parcels, but everything else gets bagged.  I want to help contribute to Pariaman being clean and better than when I arrived, so I bought some reusable containers so that I don't have to use these bags too often.  Today I bought some fabric as well, and I am going to make some bags.  I already have big reusable bags, but sometimes you need a smaller size.  I will definitely post my creations (warning: I am impatient with sewing, but I do think it is pretty fun).

The one thing I know I can do to help minimise the trash is to compost.  I started one at work last week, and I bring all of our organic materials to compost when we come into work.  I am hoping to make some good soil and maybe plant a few vegetables.

Our home

We moved into our home last night.  The great thing about it is that it is clean and new. 

There are 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. The electricity is still being fixed, but it is ours, and it is lovely.  Now we just need to get some furniture.

I don't really want to get "stuff", but I would like to make it nice.  We still have to buy a stove so that we can start cooking!

 UPDATE: We've been living in the house for the past week and a few days now.  We still don't have stuff... but I took photos of my walk back home.  Here we go!

From the main road, you make a left.  On my way I saw some new little friends.

I walked along some more, and could see what I think is Mount Merapi (a different one from the one we climbed a month ago).  The clouds around the mountain were stunning and I felt stoked to have such an awesome view to see.

On another day, I was walking and saw some more amazing cloud formations.  I love the colours of the bright BRIGHT white against the sunset shades reflecting off the other clouds.



After walking along that dirt road, you make a right onto another road.  This road looks like this. The group

of yellow houses in the middle left of the frame holds one of the homes that we live in.

After walking along this road, you make a left and see this sweet little road:

And here is our home at the end of the road and in the daylight!

Checking in - Defining What You Long For (pg. 29)

The other day I needed to check in.  Nothing is wrong, I just needed to regroup and have some me space.  So, after we got home from a day trip to Padang, I sat in bed and opened up to page 29 of Beyond Intellect.
After reading the first page I thought that opening the book to that page was just perfect.  Because of time and distance over the past 12 years, I haven't been in one of my mom's classes but I have heard about the I Am and I Am Letting Go statements over my entire lifetime.

So, I decided to draw whatever images came to me.

For my I Am statement, this is the image I received:

"I found this shell while walking along my sacred beach.  The reason why I found this shell is because she is beautiful, is opalescent in colour and represents opulence.  In the sun she glistens like a pear.  I see so many hidden colours in her and if I just sit and watch her, she opens up and shows me more.  There are many layers to my shell.  The outside is soft and beautiful, and when I turn the shell around to the other side,  I see many compartments.  I don't know what animal used to live in the shell, but I know it was protected..  The shell is very fragile, even though she is also very strong."

For my I Am Letting Go statement I drew:

 A prickly porcupine.  "I am letting go of my prickly porcupine hurt self that always looks back to the past for answers in the present or future."