Your Happiness Quotient

As I´m still working on courting my "masculine" energy (and finding a balance with my feminine energy) I decided to just open up Beyond Intellect and see what it says.

It is REALLY good.

I think everyone would find a different meaning to the biography that Susan has cleverly shared about Happiness. 

Page 158 is where it is at my friends.  How does it speak to you?

xxoo

Yup. My masculine energy is revved up (because my feminine energy feels totally misunderstood)

So, I decided that I was going to embrace my "masculine" energy this week, and see what happened.

So, these are some of the things that I did:

• On Friday, I dyed my hair a darker colour because I was feeling like my hair was too light at the bottom and too dark at the top and I wanted a same consistency so that I would stand out. I´m sort of against hair dye because I think it´s bad for you, but I told myself "NO MORE WALLFLOWER Sara!"
• On Friday, I told everyone at a party what my opinion is (and internally told myself that I make no apologies).
• On Saturday, I felt like the biggest loud mouth in the world and wished to god that I would have kept all my thoughts to myself.
• Lots of emails to friends and for work over the past week, and then about an hour later thinking that perhaps my friends and colleagues were offended by what I said because maybe what I said sounded heartless or wasn´t written in a pleasant enough way.

So, all in all, I think it has been a successful week of courting my "masculine" energy and feeling TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE... so I know my "feminine" energy is still in the driver´s seat.

I suppose this will be a work in progress as I haven´t quite found the balance I am after.

"Mutual Respect" page 152

Bonjour!

This evening I decided to open the book and see what it says.  No thinking about what I´m thinking about and then asking for an answer, just letting the answer come... and then I´ll find out what the question was!

Well. I just read it, and for me, I took it as a reminder that I need to up my masculine energy.  Lately I have been feeling like I´m the smallest mouse in the room with the tiniest voice.  People interrupt me mid-sentence all the time, or something happens just as I get to something important to say, and so the conversation is cut short.

I´m feeling a bit of a wall flower lately and I want to shine dagnabbit!

So... this week will be about courting my masculine energy.  Let´s see what happens...

Cheers to chosen pain!

Well, 9 months later and what do I have to show?  I think visibly I have a few more lines on my face, and a few more grey hairs.  But, all in all, I am happy and healthy.

I emailed my best friend from high school today, and it was funny to realise how much of a Gemini I really am.  Sometimes I like to think that I am less Gemini.  But, nope, I´m all mercurial.  That is me!

It has been difficult to write lately, because so much change has been going on.  All self induced, but nonetheless heart-wrenching and painful.  In some ways I think that if pain just happens to you, you can at least find comfort in it being totally random and out of your control.  When you feel pain because of choices that you have to make... then the responsibility lies entirely with you.

You go through the pain of the experience of the choice you have made, and all that you can think is ‘you chose this' (so stop feeling sad).

But just because you make the choice, doesn´t make it less painful or less sad.  And, maybe your choice was less painful than the choice of continuing on in a way that was not working.

Amen.

Let´s see what Beyond Intellect has for me today... I opened the book to page 18, and my eyes went to "A Path With Heart".

After reading a few pages, what I am gleaning from the information within, is that, I need to remind myself that I have my permission to live my life based on what works for me.  And that I am not bad, or wrong for choosing what no longer worked for me. 

[My] Personal Energy Audit (pg. 104)

I have been feeling low.  However, I can't quite put my finger on what it is that I feel low about.  My life is beautiful.  I am healthy, I am discovering new delights in a new country, I have a degree from an Ivy League University, I have a slew of impressive employers and films, I have a wonderful partner, a great family, awesome friends.  Am I just ungrateful or a pessimistic Debbie Downer?
I open Beyond Intellect to page 105 and what I read about is my "bank of personal energy we can call upon in the pursuit of what we want...". There are four types of "accounts" that you can access throughout different parts of your day and for different interactions.  Susan suggests that "to establish a substantial, full, rich, and abundant inner core you must learn to redeem your inner calmness and peace by seeking time to muse and dream, to contemplate, to learn, and to uncover and discover the forgotten, the disowned, and the disused aspects of yourself."
I close my eyes and imagine meeting my "best future self" in the safety deposit vault of my bank.  We each use our key in the locks and slide the metal box out onto the table. We sit down.  Future self is looking calm and self assured.  Current self is looking more apprehensive, hesitant and scared of being wrong. 
I open the box and the symbol I see is "a glowing, illuminating light.  It is yellow and white and emanates from a strong core. There is no sound, but it is so bright that it feels present.  It also feels warm but is only light, so it doesn't burn".
What this symbol means to me is that I need to just be me and not worry about it (easier said than done).  That old hymn "This Little Light of Mine"comes to mind straight away.

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Shine all over

[name of town]

I'm gonna let it shine
Shine all over

[name of town]

I'm gonna let it shine
Shine all over

[name of town]

I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

 

Speaking of "being the change"...

After weeks of not blogging, I have heaps to say.

I've never been good at patience, so, I thought, I'll just go for it now.

I have a horrible, horrible secret to share.

When given the opportunity, I will watch hours of E! entertainment television.  It is so awful.  I watch these trainwreck of television shows that just exploit people, or show people being dumb or nasty to one another.  I also like to read this website called DListed. The guy is so clever and funny, but it talks about famous people I don't really know about (since I haven't lived in the States for seven years) and I still check it out (wtf!?!).

I am stuck in a Catch 22. I watch this crap (or read it) and give fire to the industry that spits out these awful vapid people.  Then, I think about my young nieces and nephews, and the children of the world, and realise that this is potentially their inspiration.

I'd like to see some stories about real cool people coming out from network television.  People who have aspirations to get a higher education, or make a positive difference to the world.  People who can serve as roll models for the next generation.

I need to turn that crap off.  Stop having conversations about it.  Stop buying it.

Change happens by action, including and ESPECIALLY THROUGH MONEY.  If CEOs, Board Members and shareholders can't make money off of their bad taste ideas, then it will stop the madness.

What do you think?

Ripeness

I had an opportunity to be Master of Ceremonies at an event commemorating the 1 year anniversary of the earthquake in West Sumatra that took so many lives, and damaged so many buildings.  Without thinking, I took the gig.  I really am craving the opportunity to "perform" in front of people.  So, albeit a bit of post agreeing apprehension, I knew I could do it.

The night before the event, I had some alone time, so I decided to consult my Osho Zen Tarot cards, and the card I chose was RIPENESS:

Commentary:

When the fruit is ripe, it drops from the tree by itself. One moment it hangs by a thread from the branches of the tree, bursting with juice. The next moment it falls--not because it has been forced to fall, or has made the effort to jump, but because the tree has recognized its ripeness and simply let it go. When this card appears in a reading it indicates that you are ready to share your inner riches, your 'juice'. All you need to do is relax right where you are, and be willing for it to happen. This sharing of yourself, this expression of your creativity, can come in many ways--in your work, your relationships, your everyday life experiences. No special preparation or effort on your part is required. It is simply the right time.

I definitely thought this was a great metaphor for where I'm at in life.  I'm 30!  I can do anything and everything!  I don't need to be scared or shy or innocent. I can own it and just let it all happen and come to me because the time is right, and I'm right here, right now - RIPE & READY!

So, the event was awesome.  H came too, and we got to meet some really wonderful folks, and we had the opportunity to network.  I had a great time guiding the day's event, and I was really lucky because the speaker's were all informative, which made my job easy for wrap-ups.  I had some good advice from my Mom and Anti, and a mate of mine, B who is an excellent speaker himself told me to get some anecdotes from the community to share. (Thanks Mom, Anti, B and also Mom's group for your good wishes!)

One of the most powerful things I learned from people in the community, is that when the big earthquake came, the fear made them panic, and they forgot all the good things they new to do (like look for clear space, protect their head, get out of the house).  They all just kind of froze.  The other disturbing thing I learned, was that in looking back at the earthquake, the people feel that people lost their humanity.  When the earthquake happened it was only about "survival of the fittest".  Hardly anyone helped the old lady or assisted the mother and child.  I think those are two of the saddest things I learned from listening to people.

It is a true metaphor though.  When fear grips you, you do panic, and it often takes some time to remember your humanity; because all you can focus on for the moment is yourself.

I've come to love two quotes over the years.  The first is from Ghandi and it is "be the change you want to see in the world" and the second, I think is from the Bible and it is "many hands make light work".

Thanks for checking in and apologies for the long pause in blogging.

Here are some photos from the event.

XO,
RIPE & READY Sara