Baby steps

In Yogjakarta a few weeks ago, we climbed this volcano called Mount Merapi http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Merapi .  Merapi means "fire" in Indonesian.  It was the steepest adventure I have ever been on!

I am new to this whole trekking thing.  My dad and I used to go to a National Park in Orange County when I was growing up, but I must have been about 8 or 9, and I seem to remember my dad carrying me if (and when) I got too tired.  So, after 20 years, H and I have been on 2 or 3 treks together, much to the SURPRISE of everyone I know (including myself to be honest).

During the climb, I had silent conversations about how I really cannot do this, and then sometimes not so silent "baby steps up the mountain", "put one foot in front of the other and you will get there before you know it", and "this will be so worth it once you reach the top".  H also encourages me which definitely helps. I think sometimes my face must say "get me outta here!".

It was a pretty exhausting time.   The entire journey was about 13 hours, but the walking was about 10.  We had to leave Yogjakarta at 10pm, and then we were driven to a house at the bottom of the volcano. We waited there until about 12.30am, and then we started walking up the volcano in the pitch black of night.  There were about 15 of us. We walked and walked, and it was so steep.  It was freezing cold, which we didn't think would be possible in 30 degree heat back in Jogja.

The hardest bit was at the top.  By then it was almost 6am, we had been climbing for about 5 hours, the volcano was at it's steepest and it was all lava rock, ash and there were tufts of hot sulpher coming out of crevices in the rock.  Slowly slowly, I made it up to the top.  I had a little bit of a cry - part victory celebration, part exhaustion, and then I just took in the view.  The sun was rising, and the view was spectacular!!

 Trekking always reminds me that there are many trials and tribulations in life, but you just have to put one foot in front of the other, and make it through. It is a good experiential lesson.

Kami at the bottom of Mt Merapi

The bat totem

I was just thinking about a strange experience I had on Tuesday, and it only dawned on me now that perhaps there was some animal symbolism to recognise. I was sitting outside with a woman from the foundation, and I looked up at the midday sky to see a bat flying in a straight line across the sky.

I thought it was strange, and I have thought about it a few times since. Today I have looked up the bat totem on the internet (I have my medicine cards at home and will check them tonight).
The bat symbolises:
- being highly sensitive to your surroundings
- considered a symbol of intuition, dreaming and vision
- "night-sight" which is the ability to see through illusion or ambiguity
- dive straight to the truth of matters.
- rebirth and depth because it is a creature that lives in the belly of the Mother (Earth)

I am happy to receive this totem, and I find it spot on. I am very aware of myself and my surroundings. As an example, today I was at a meeting with the community and noticed that every woman there had their legs, arms, necks and ears covered. I always wear pants, but I wear t-shirts, and so my forearms aren't covered, and I never wear a scarf so my neck and ears and head are uncovered. Maybe it sounds unimportant, but I am so acutely aware of being different, and not wanting to offend others or make others or myself uncomfortable.

Everyone here is very welcoming though, and it doesn't seem like they are offended by me. Also, this is an interesting time for Indonesia, as most young Indonesians learn English in school from a very young age, and they embrace the internet and "global culture". So you see westernisation happening here, as well as a strong commitment to Indonesian values. They are finding a balance.

Life Changing Attitudes (pg. 157)

It was raining the evening H and I got to Pariaman. We stayed at a hotel called Hotel Takzia that our friend E, who works in logistics at IBU foundation helped us find. She informed the owner's daughter that we are looking for a house or a room, and the woman there said we could stay in their family guest house for $1,000,000 rupiah a month.
Because we do not have an income, and a limited amount of savings, this amount is in budget, however, after waiting an extra 3 days (at $150,000 a day in the hotel) and then moving in, the owner's daughter told us that the rate would be $1,500,000 a month. We couldn't understand why the cost went up by 1/2 a million after the amount was agreed, and after a disagreement we moved out.
In hindsight, perhaps we were to hasty and should have just stayed put. But, equally, after continually getting charged three times as much as Indonesians, just because the colour of our skin, it gets to be very frustrating.
So now, the situation is that H and I are in another hotel, and we're paying about $1,500,000 a week. We have looked at rooms in other people's homes, and they have been absolutely awful. Our friend C from work is thankfully helping us to find a place, and we saw a new home that is about 15 minutes away from work and 20 minutes away from the local market. We'll probably move in there, but it means that we will also have to furnish the place, and we'll be further from work and town. The positives are that it is clean, and a new home, and it can be our first little home together.
After the first night of being "displaced persons", H and I opened to page 157, about "Four Life-Changing Attitudes... that hold the key to transforming the way we are presently experiencing our lives and lead to much greater happiness and peace of mind."
We went through the exercises and have book-marked the page so we can vibrate on the gratitude attitude level.

Your Best Future Self (pg. 38)

The other day in Jakarta, I wrote: "I get further and further from my other life. I'm not entirely sure of where I am, or where I am going. But, I've decided to just ride the wave and see where it leads me. My 'what ifs' are loud in my mind. But if I had taken some other paths, I would not be able to do all this with H. And that would be unfortunate."
I picked up mom's book, and opened to page 38, titled "Your Best Future Self". Really perfect, don't you think?
There is a visualisation exercise and an invitation to merge "who you are today into who you are destined to become".
The exercise was a perfect one for me, and at just the right moment, to remember that I am on my path, even if I can't necessarily define the path that I am on.

I still have a lot of hopes and dreams for myself, and a lot that I want to accomplish. I want a thriving acting career, and I want to help make this world better than when I arrived. I want to be a mother, and I look forward to the adventure that will bring. I want to live in New Zealand, but I want to see much more of my family and friends back in the states, and travel to Europe more often. I want a loving relationship with my partner. I want to feel more secure in myself, and able to be loving and energy giving. I want to forgive myself for being imperfect and making mistakes and being unkind sometimes. Life's a journey, right?

Beyond Intellect

My mom and I talk often. A few weeks ago, we were talking about her book, "Beyond Intellect: Journey Into the Wisdom of Your Intuitive Mind" and we were talking about how people use the book.

In her book, Susan (my mom) asks the reader to open the book to whatever location "speaks" to you. A lot of readers do this, and they have told my mom that they receive the information that they require.

I have decided to try this out more frequently, and write the experiences down. The past year has been all about unknowns. I quit my job at the end of 2009, I was doing business development for a professional services firm, but I wasn't liking what my effort was contributing to. After quitting, I had some time to myself. My passion is acting, and I thought perhaps this would give me the time to breathe and devote myself to my passion. Unfortunately, bills still had to be paid, and there aren't many acting jobs where I lived. I worked in a temporary job, which had great people, but was not engaging. At the end of July, my partner (at the time... more on that maybe) and I packed our stuff away into storage, and flew to Indonesia, where we are volunteering until January.

There will be many adventures, challenges, lessons, insights, laughs and knowing me, a few tears... and a wonderful way for me to put my mom's book to the test.

Arohanui,
Sara